guido redux. and dots. lots and lots of dader dots.
there are, in my estimation, an infinite number of guidos available for examination in new york city. saturday night's jaunt to crobar, aka Guidoland, offered magnificent vistas full of these interesting specimens, which i think merit some discussion. here are my favorites.
the beefcake guido
the Beefcake is approximately 5'10" and 280 pounds, most of which is concentrated in the lats, pecs and biceps. it is necessary to build such muscle mass because the Beefcake's closet staple is the wifebeater, which is most often tucked into pleated trousers and worn with shiny leather shoes.
the sunglasses guido
the Sunglasses is also often wearing a wifebeater. though he is generally not as built as the Beefcake, he accessorizes the wifey with sunglasses. the Sunglasses often choose glasses of the silvery, tinted purple and blue variety. occasionally they are yellow. the Sunglasses guido often rests the glasses around the back of his neck; hangs them from the back of his collar; or, if he's feeling especially saucy, from his big silver chain.
the flammable hair guido
the Flammable guido creates minor rifts in the ozone layer wherever he walks. Flammable's hair often recalls a bad exxon accident, but in some instances can also be used as a lethal weapon. beyond the environmental hazard, Flammable's hair is often so spiky and hard that it may actually pierce the flesh.
the dancing guido
oh, Dancer guido! my most favorite of guidos! you can find the Dancer either standing in place pumping his fist in the air, or, enacting an odd ritual in which he rocks side to side and raises arms in unison, but does not bend his elbows. there is a small subset of Dancer guidos, that likes to push guidettes (see more below) against poles and walls and faux-fuck them from behind (often while pumping their fists in the air). this is considered courtship in some parts of Guidoland, i think.
now, let us not forget the guidettes. they, too, may be broken into several categories. they are often found in large herds trying to look nonchalant on the dance floor, or emerging from bathroom stalls vigorously rubbing their noses. however, after seeing a few too many asscracks, intentionally visible thong straps, and acrylic nails, i had to separate myself from the fray of guidettes before properly categorizing them, lest i collapse from the clouds of knockoff perfume.
still, i had much fun in Guidoland. it was the first time out and about listening to dance tunes with G in a long, long time, which was just generally awesome. in addition to bouncing to sweet beats from deep dish, we got to jump around to a happy dose of madonna, too, usually something that i can only accomplish while in my pjs while alone in my apartment. wahoo! i knew there was a reason why leaving the house after midnight was a good idea for this halmunee.
Guidoland was also made safe by NG & co. in addition to G, i had the (lucky?) protection of lots of brown people, who diffused the state of guido alarm quite nicely. i haven't seen NG since thanksgiving, and it made me happy to know that he wanted to trip guidettes while walking down the stairs just like i did. see all the nice brownies below. they were fun. dot!
all in all, it was a fantastic weekend. JH graced us with his lovely southern presence, both out on friday night and at a 3-mimosa brunch saturday; C & Y were wise enough to make the executive decision to booze all saturday afternoon after our 3-mimosa brunch, which led us to stumble happily about the east village in search of bottles of prosecco and a bar that would accomodate us at 1pm; BS had a lovely sushi soiree saturday evening during which i made the prettiest tuna rolls, thankyouverymuch; G saved me a cupcake from magnolia, which i know required all the strength and will in his soul; and i had a great great great inspiring wonderful playwriting class on sunday afternoon, despite a measly 4 hours of sleep and some weird sort of twitchy red bull & vodka hangover.
sigh. and now it's monday. there are no guidos in the offices of WWD, unfortunately. although there is work to be done. i know. weird right? sometimes i work.
the beefcake guido
the Beefcake is approximately 5'10" and 280 pounds, most of which is concentrated in the lats, pecs and biceps. it is necessary to build such muscle mass because the Beefcake's closet staple is the wifebeater, which is most often tucked into pleated trousers and worn with shiny leather shoes.
the sunglasses guido
the Sunglasses is also often wearing a wifebeater. though he is generally not as built as the Beefcake, he accessorizes the wifey with sunglasses. the Sunglasses often choose glasses of the silvery, tinted purple and blue variety. occasionally they are yellow. the Sunglasses guido often rests the glasses around the back of his neck; hangs them from the back of his collar; or, if he's feeling especially saucy, from his big silver chain.
the flammable hair guido
the Flammable guido creates minor rifts in the ozone layer wherever he walks. Flammable's hair often recalls a bad exxon accident, but in some instances can also be used as a lethal weapon. beyond the environmental hazard, Flammable's hair is often so spiky and hard that it may actually pierce the flesh.
the dancing guido
oh, Dancer guido! my most favorite of guidos! you can find the Dancer either standing in place pumping his fist in the air, or, enacting an odd ritual in which he rocks side to side and raises arms in unison, but does not bend his elbows. there is a small subset of Dancer guidos, that likes to push guidettes (see more below) against poles and walls and faux-fuck them from behind (often while pumping their fists in the air). this is considered courtship in some parts of Guidoland, i think.
now, let us not forget the guidettes. they, too, may be broken into several categories. they are often found in large herds trying to look nonchalant on the dance floor, or emerging from bathroom stalls vigorously rubbing their noses. however, after seeing a few too many asscracks, intentionally visible thong straps, and acrylic nails, i had to separate myself from the fray of guidettes before properly categorizing them, lest i collapse from the clouds of knockoff perfume.
still, i had much fun in Guidoland. it was the first time out and about listening to dance tunes with G in a long, long time, which was just generally awesome. in addition to bouncing to sweet beats from deep dish, we got to jump around to a happy dose of madonna, too, usually something that i can only accomplish while in my pjs while alone in my apartment. wahoo! i knew there was a reason why leaving the house after midnight was a good idea for this halmunee.
Guidoland was also made safe by NG & co. in addition to G, i had the (lucky?) protection of lots of brown people, who diffused the state of guido alarm quite nicely. i haven't seen NG since thanksgiving, and it made me happy to know that he wanted to trip guidettes while walking down the stairs just like i did. see all the nice brownies below. they were fun. dot!
all in all, it was a fantastic weekend. JH graced us with his lovely southern presence, both out on friday night and at a 3-mimosa brunch saturday; C & Y were wise enough to make the executive decision to booze all saturday afternoon after our 3-mimosa brunch, which led us to stumble happily about the east village in search of bottles of prosecco and a bar that would accomodate us at 1pm; BS had a lovely sushi soiree saturday evening during which i made the prettiest tuna rolls, thankyouverymuch; G saved me a cupcake from magnolia, which i know required all the strength and will in his soul; and i had a great great great inspiring wonderful playwriting class on sunday afternoon, despite a measly 4 hours of sleep and some weird sort of twitchy red bull & vodka hangover.
sigh. and now it's monday. there are no guidos in the offices of WWD, unfortunately. although there is work to be done. i know. weird right? sometimes i work.
posted by Amy S. Choi at 11:53 AM
6 Comments:
oh it's been a long time since a guido rubbed up against me to the beat of deep house. can't say i miss that part, but i do miss shakin' my booty. i think i really might have to hold the thesis completion fiesta in a dirty dirty club overflowwwwwing with the guidos in all their sparkly, beefy, flammable-arity. puff puff give.
puff puff ... the preparations are well under way, my darling.
Damn you look faded in those photos!
so many guidos, so little time ...
you are fun to read. how do i get your blogs in email form as i am lazy and cannot visit sites that do not start with xanga.com. help.
carolynahoohoo! i have lured you to blogspot! i have no idea how to do an email thingamajig. but i shall do some investigating, only because i have great respect for your lazy ass.
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